Still You

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I miss you
I miss the way we were
I miss the way you open up to me
No restrictions
No holds barred
Now, there’s a gap I can’t bridge
A wall I can’t penetrate
If only I can turn back the time
But I never regret any of that
No matter the reason
Was it just lust or passion?
I don’t really want to know
I’m afraid of knowing the truth
Afraid of getting hurt
Although I already am
But I still want you
I still want to be with you

(Free verse III)

Just So You Know

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I don’t know what’s wrong
It’s complicated, yet it’s simple
It’s a ridiculous thought
It’s a gap I could no longer bridge
I don’t even know why am I doing this
I miss you,  don’t you know that?
I want to be with you
I don’t want you to go
But I’m confused as well as afraid
Of totally falling for you
Because I know you too well
I know what you’re capable of
I know how many hearts you broke
But I trust you well enough
To yield to you
I don’t know if it’s wrong
I don’t know what’s right
I am confused
I don’t know how to refuse
You, of all people
I’m such a fool
You are just using me
Yet I am still here
With broken heart and wounded soul
I can’t just let you go
Because after all we’ve been through
I still want you
I still want your arms around me
But, I don’t know if you feel that, too

(Free Verse II)

Fragments

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I want to sleep beside you

To feel your arms wrapped around my waist

To feel your heat comforting the coldness in my heart

But you are gone, like dust

Scattered fragments of a beautiful memory

I want to give you my heart

But you left without saying goodbye

You went cold, not telling me why

Maybe I have to let you go

Although you’ve never been mine…

(I’m not really used to composing free verse poems but as inspiration hit me, and probably the effect of the surprisingly cold weather, I created one.)

New Year, New Writing Phase

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karenswhimsy.com/public-domain-images/pictures-of-books/images/pictures-of-books-1.jpg

I swore to myself that I would finish my second run of editing this current novel I’m working on before the year ends. I did it. It was the reading it out loud phase. I caught few errors. I even deleted the boring parts and revised a lot with the help of my trusted friend/critic. I had to stop working on the sequel because I need to focus on editing this and even the whole plotline changed. It nullifies my previous sequels. It’s even a trilogy… awww. Now I have to rewrite them again. Everything. I will… soon.

Not that I’m complaining. It was my fault. I hurried the story. I just wanted to write and write without thinking through the whole story. Maybe because I’d written it when I was in my junior and senior years in college–which has nothing to do with writing–and my schedules were kind of hectic.

But no regrets. I had fun in the process. I don’t mind how many bondpapers and inks I have to waste throughout the years of my writing. I enjoyed everything. From cultivating the idea “what if…” until the tiring process of revision and editing.

I’ll probably let it rest for few days then I’ll deal with the finishing touches.

I hope, then, I can finally share it to the world…

Agony

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I am tired of being strong. I want you to hold me.
I want you to say everything’s going to be okay
Pull me into your arms and hold me tight
Because I no longer want to be alone tonight

Say you miss me because I always miss you
Confusion seeps through me as I think of you
What do you want from me. I’d given everything
But sometimes I feel I never meant a thing

But with this, I can’t help but hope for you
That someday you’ll say more than I miss you
Perhaps I’m insane to want you like this
Because I wonder what was behind that kiss

I want to hate myself for wishing this
Do I really deserve you to feel this?
What am I thinking? What’s wrong with me?
I never wanted to feel this agony…

Paradise

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Being away from the busy city life and awaking in this kind of sight makes me want to stay here and never  leave. This paradise is indeed a wonder that no matter how many times I have seen it in television, being here is different. Breathtaking.

Its fine white sands, crystal clear blue sea, the sight of the sky… if only I don’t have to leave in here tomorrow…

The question is: can I really leave here? Being broke and everything. I wish. But miracles do happen, right.

It will only take less than an hour of air travel to get in here and a few minutes of boat ride.

I went here to unwind, enjoy life, think things through, ponder on what I really want with my life and to relieve myself of the stressful things of work and etc. If only I could do what I really want: Write.

This paradise is worth to write and there are several articles about it already. But I can’t mention its name. Maybe soon… When I’m no longer attached to my stressful day job.

I want to comeback here but I don’t know when. I want to stay here a little longer… but I can’t…

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I will terribly miss this place. I hope I can come back here…

Nothing

I used to compose 1-2 poems everyday but I kind of forgotten about it since I started working on my novels…. until something unexpected happened that clouded my mind and sparked my poetic side.

This poem is called:

Nothing

I want to hold you but i can’t
Because I’m afraid you’ll just pull away
I want to see you again but i can’t
Because I’m afraid with what you’ll say

We’re friends and I don’t want to lose that
I don’t want to tie you to something I only want
But I want to feel that scorching fire so hot
That burn me inside out that I pant

I want you but I don’t know if you do, too
Was it just because of sudden passion?
Or something deeper burns inside of you
Or it was nothing and out of the question?

I don’t want to feel this and I hate myself now
For feeling this kind of sudden longing
But I’d rather be silent than regret what I’ll avow
I’d rather have you as this than nothing…

Typos

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I was surprised seeing the dreaded typographical error after reading my novel for the nth time. I even let an English Prof edit it and most of my friends read it but nobody caught the “at one” instead of “at once.”

Ridiculous but I realized, I really have to read it out loud… which is sickening…

But I have to finishing reading it… I might catch more typos… Just irritating…

I am tired of reading it all over again and again but when I thought of the happiness writing bring me, every doubts I had disappear.

I have to get back to work. Polish my words until they shine.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Typographical_error

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II

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For me, this was the best Twilight Movie.

I’d been a fan but not an avid, die-hard fan of Twilight Saga since 2008. Knowing it was about to become a movie, I bought all the hardbound books. These were the only series bought in hardbound. I read all the four books even before I watched the first movie.

The first four movies were kind of disappointing to me. It didn’t match the emotions I felt when reading the books but well… I think nothing can ever replace a reading experience.

I love vampires but honestly, not in this saga. Why?

1. Because the vampires in there had no fangs. I don’t like their crescent-like bite marks, so human.

2. Instead of burning in the sun, they sparkle like diamonds. They should be vulnerable to it or at least when they are young.

3. They don’t sleep. I like vampires who dream or become catatonic during dawn.

4. They can’t fly… but their speed will do, though.

5. They don’t compel or glamour or hypnotize, or whatever you call it.

6. They have different abilities. Some don’t even have one. Edward can only read minds.

7. They don’t bleed. They are like stones that crack.

8. The newborns are the strongest physically. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? As the vampire age, he/she become stronger.

9. They are so humanized.

10. The Cullens don’t drink human blood.

* But I guess, everything I mentioned are just up to the discretion of the author. Vampire mythology and folklore can be based upon but not entirely copied.

If vampires in fiction, I still prefer the creation of:

1. Anne Rice (The Queen of the Damned)
2. Charlaine Harris (True Blood)
3. L.J. Smith (The Vampire Diaries)

Why for me, this is the best Twilight movie?

~ Because finally, Bella has some purpose.
~ Alice’s vision was elaborated, which made a great fight scene especially when I saw Aro behead C******* hahaha which was shocking. I don’t mean to be a spoiler to those who haven’t watched it. I was whispering to my friend, “Oh, my God, that is not in the book…”
~ It’s great they did it, because even to those who read it will be surprised. I like what had happened to Jane.

All in all, it’s great. I never praised any Twilight movie until now. It’s a must watch Twilight Movie. What a finale.

Good or Bad

It’s been a long long time since I composed a poem, my first writing outlet, and I think I’m kind of rusty now but here it goes…

Good or Bad

I feel so useless like I don’t deserve to exist
I feel so hollow like I am nothing but a mist
I feel so broken that I could no longer be fixed
And now, I feel so much unloved that I had been hexed

I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I can’t help it
I’m so confused that I don’t know how to conceal it
I am not sure if that was just a night of mistake
Or you do want me too that you could no longer take

But then, you are someone I could never have and hold
But because of what you did to me, I feel so bold
But in the end, I feel despair eating me away
Now what’s wrong with me? What have we done? What can I say?

I don’t know if I want to cry for something I lost
Or I’ll be elated with pleasure and pain to boast
How could I treat you the same if something happened?
I don’t know if it’s something good or bad in the end…