Archives

What Do You Want with Your Life?

image

I’ve been nagging myself with that question in these past few months but I still don’t know what my ultimate goal is.

Sure, I want to be sucessful. I want a stable job and a simple life with a family. I want a life that I don’t have to worry about not being able to eat tomorrow. That I can provide for myself and my family. It was just a simple dream. But the thing is, it felt impossible. Unattainable. That I really have to go out of the country just to attain that. Because in here, my profession is in vain.

And there goes writing. I want writing to be my profession, not just a hobby, but my parents didn’t allow me to take any writing related courses so instead, I became a licensed Pharmacist. Not that I hate my current job. I love being a Pharmacist but I just don’t like the current practice here in my country.

I know I don’t need to have a degree just to write. But knowing you are well qualified still means something.

I know a lot of things. I read a lot. I know how to do them. But I still feel insufficient. I still feel useless.

Maybe I just missed my regular readers in college. Since we graduated, I barely see them. My colleagues at work don’t even read. I don’t understand why they never read novels. Probably, they never read a book that could amaze them. Or they were just so lazy to open and read one.

Sometimes, I want to hate my life. That I felt unlucky compared to others in my age. But I know it’s not true. I’m lucky. I get to do a lot of things I love. I can write anything I want.

But what do I want with my life?

Aside from those simple things, my ultimate goal probably is: To be able to share to the world my stories and novels and poems, hoping somehow they could inspire them. I know I have a lot to learn. And what I learned would be shared as well.

Or maybe, I am just insane. What about you? Do you have the same question in life?

Advertisements

Writer’s Depression

image

For the past few days, I’d been suffering from–what I call–Writer’s Depression.

I got to a point that I no longer know what I want with my life.
That I was no longer sure if I should pursue on this writing path I’m in.
My real profession is also in vain.
I felt so pathetic and helpless.
I felt so useless even to my family.
That what I earn is never enough for my family.
That I thought of leaving this world for good.
I wished to sleep forever.

But I fought it.
I know those thoughts were not true.
A lot of people cares about me.
I’m in a plateau state of my current profession.
My writing career is only about to start, after I finished polishing this manuscript I’m working on.
Suicide is not an option.

I told myself:
I’m a fighter. I’m not giving up on this. I’ve been on this writing world for 9 long years and I can’t just stop now.
I’m still young. I have a long way to go. There are still a lot of people in this world who likes to read like me.

Paradise

image

Being away from the busy city life and awaking in this kind of sight makes me want to stay here and never  leave. This paradise is indeed a wonder that no matter how many times I have seen it in television, being here is different. Breathtaking.

Its fine white sands, crystal clear blue sea, the sight of the sky… if only I don’t have to leave in here tomorrow…

The question is: can I really leave here? Being broke and everything. I wish. But miracles do happen, right.

It will only take less than an hour of air travel to get in here and a few minutes of boat ride.

I went here to unwind, enjoy life, think things through, ponder on what I really want with my life and to relieve myself of the stressful things of work and etc. If only I could do what I really want: Write.

This paradise is worth to write and there are several articles about it already. But I can’t mention its name. Maybe soon… When I’m no longer attached to my stressful day job.

I want to comeback here but I don’t know when. I want to stay here a little longer… but I can’t…

image

I will terribly miss this place. I hope I can come back here…

Typos

image

I was surprised seeing the dreaded typographical error after reading my novel for the nth time. I even let an English Prof edit it and most of my friends read it but nobody caught the “at one” instead of “at once.”

Ridiculous but I realized, I really have to read it out loud… which is sickening…

But I have to finishing reading it… I might catch more typos… Just irritating…

I am tired of reading it all over again and again but when I thought of the happiness writing bring me, every doubts I had disappear.

I have to get back to work. Polish my words until they shine.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Typographical_error

It Must Have Been

This song keeps playing in my head. One of my all time favorites

By: Roxette

Lay a whisper on my pillow,
leave the winter on the ground.
I wake up lonely, there’s air of silence
in the bedroom and all around.

Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away.
It must have been love but it’s over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it’s over now.
From the moment we touched ’til the time had run
out.

Make-believing we’re together,
that I’m sheltered by your heart.
But in and outside I’ve turned to water
like a teardrop in your palm.
And it’s a hard winter’s day, I dream away.

It must have been love but it’s over now,
it was all that I wanted, now I’m living without.
It must have been love but it’s over now,
it’s where the water flows, it’s where the wind blows
it’s where the wind blows

It must have been love but it’s over now,
it was all that I wanted, now I’m living without.
It must have been love but it’s over now,
it’s where the water flows…

I got this lyrics here
http://www.lyrics007.com/Roxette%20Lyrics/It%20Must%20Have%20Been%20Love%20Lyrics.html

Introvert

An interviewer of mine asked me if I was an introvert. I said, no… I don’t think so. But I knew why he assumed that.

~ Because in the application sheet, there was an essay asking the applicants to describe themselves.
~ I wrote there, I love to write and read…
~ Maybe, I am introvert, but not always.
~ Does that make me weird?

For now, I ‘ll be a little introvert. I am currently writing and revising the second book of my series. I am done with my writing break.

True Blood Season 5

After watching the last episode of true blood season 5, i wanna scream out loud for everything that happened. I love it. For me it was the best season ever. As in. I stayed awake until 2 in the morning just to finish it and it was worth it. I never saw it coming, not until that pool of B***’s blood starting to materialize. Holy crap! Awesome, incorporating the vampire myths and origins into the series. I am looking forward for the freakin’ sixth season.

I love Eric Northman. Thank God for eliminating the 3000 yr old bloodsucker.

But their enemy become stronger. I wonder what will happen to them.

Love the show. Love HBO for giving us great series to watch.